Legal Humor

Charity & Lawyer

2006-05-30T18:39:00.001-07:00

The local charitable organization realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. A local volunteer calls to solicite his donation, saying "our research shows that even though your annual income is over a million dollars, you do not give one penny to charity! Wouldn't you like to give back to your community through our organization?"
The lawyer thinks for a moment and says: "First, did your research show that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and has huge medical bills far beyond her ability to pay?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh, no."
"Secondly, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?"
The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology but is cut off.
"Thirdly, that my sister's husband died in a dreadful traffic accident", the lawyers voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children?"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says simply, "I had no idea."
The lawyer then says"...and if I don't give any money to THEM, why should I give any to you?"

Charity & Lawyer

2006-05-30T18:39:00.000-07:00

You Might Be a Lawyer if...

2006-05-30T17:23:00.000-07:00

You Might Be a Lawyer if...
You are charging someone for reading these jokes.
You believe that a forty words' sentence is a short one.
You have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill.
You can look at a contract and instantly tell whether it's verbal or written.
Your other car is a BMW.
When you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer.
When your wife says "I love you," you cross-examine her.

Is This True ?

2005-09-29T18:55:00.000-07:00

Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge - David Mellor

How Lawyers Change A Light Bulb..

2005-09-29T18:52:00.000-07:00

Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.
Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this selfsame document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".

Realllly ?

2005-09-29T18:49:00.000-07:00

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day:
"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.

Noble Fraternity

2005-09-29T18:41:00.000-07:00

The trouble with the legal profession is that 98% of its members give the rest, a bad name.

Whaaat ?

2005-09-29T18:39:00.000-07:00

Have you about the lady lawyer who dropped her briefs and became a solicitor ?

Know thy Lord !!

2005-09-29T18:38:00.000-07:00

There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge !!

Strawberries Save

2005-09-29T18:34:00.000-07:00

Three prisoners are on death row. The night of their execution they are asked what they wish to have for their last meal.

The first asks for lobster, which he is served and then taken away.

The second requests a Filet Mignon, which he is served and also taken away.

The last requests a plate of strawberries.

The warden is surprised and replies "STRAWBERRIES?"

"Yes," replies the inmate, "strawberries."

"But they are out of season!" responds the warden.

"That's OK. I'll wait...."

It is nice to laugh... at laws !

2005-07-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

For many, law is the most boring topic... but law has it colors and often we fail to take note.